Saying Goodbye
by mhopeg
Summary: I've been thinking a lot about how Prentiss will leave, and came up with this. It's my first Criminal Minds story, so please be gentle.


**I couldn't stand the idea of Emily walking out of the BAU without so much as a note to anyone, so I wrote it for her. Plus, how I'd like to see the story end. Hotch/Emily.**

**If I owned anything, Prentiss and JJ would still be on the show.**

"How'd the case turn out?" Jessica asked as Aaron walked into his kitchen.

"It's complicated. I don't know how to explain it, and I'm not sure I'm ready to talk about it." In the year since Haley was killed, he and her sister had forged a friendship of sorts. It made it easier for them to take care of Jack. But he wasn't sure he could talk to her about Emily. Jessica didn't know the specifics of the case – she never asked for details, knowing that they were often too gruesome for her to handle.

"There's a letter for you with the mail. It came a couple of days ago. It's weird. It's not really addressed or postmarked, like someone just put it in your mailbox."

"Thanks," Aaron said absently. He didn't say goodnight before she left the house, which he knew was strange for him. It was a strange night.

He started his normal, post-case routine: put his clothes from the last few days in the laundry, pausing to smell the detergent and softener he'd changed to at Emily's insistence, then checked his answering machine before going to the stack of mail in his office. On top was a plain envelope, his name written across the front in Emily's feminine scrawl. Hotch pulled out the plain, ivory paper and hesitated before he started reading.

_Aaron,_

_I'm sorry I left without any warning or explanation. Over the last few days I've wanted to tell you exactly what was happening. But I was afraid. I didn't want anything to happen to you or Jack, or to the rest of the team, and Doyle told me that if I told you, or anyone else, about him he'd kill you. I couldn't let that happen._

He started to make a pot of coffee, but poured the beans back into the can. He knew he'd have enough trouble sleeping without caffeine. As he walked through the house he saw all of the little touches Emily had added over the six months they'd been together. A part of him wanted to box everything up right away, out of sight out of mind. But he knew that Emily would never be out of his mind.

_You already know I was working with Interpol when Ian Doyle was arrested. I was part of the team that brought him in. I was undercover on his estate. He grew to trust me, grew close to me. I hated every second that I spent near him, but it was part of my job, and I knew it was something I had to do._

_After Doyle's arrest my alias "died" in a car accident. I don't know how he found out my real name, or that I was still alive. For a few weeks after I heard he'd escaped from prison, I hoped he wouldn't be able to find me, but I know now that I was kidding myself. He holds me responsible for his imprisonment, and thinks I betrayed him personally. _

He wandered into his bedroom to change clothes and was again assaulted by memories, could see Emily in bed, could remember how it felt for her to touch every inch of his body and how she felt moving under him. As he walked past his closet door he could smell her perfume and wondered how long it would linger, and considered buying a bottle to keep the scent longer.

_If I thought it would matter I'd tell you not to try to find me. Since I know that's not possible, I'm asking you, please, be careful. I couldn't live with knowing anything happened to you or to Jack._

_I need you to know that I never would have let our relationship go anywhere if I thought there was a chance I'd have to leave this way. I _

_I love you Aaron. I always have._

_Emily_

He finished reading the letter sitting on the floor by Jack's bed, the dim nightlight nearby making him to strain his eyes to see. He didn't realize he was crying until he saw two teardrops fall, blurring her signature. He wiped his eyes and watched Jack stir, then open his eyes.

"Hi daddy."

"Hey buddy," Hotch whispered. "Go back to sleep."

"Is Emmy here?"

"No," Aaron sniffed lightly. "Emily isn't here."

"Can she come over tomorrow?" His heart nearly broke all over again at Jack's hopeful face.

"Buddy, Emily had to go away."

Jack sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Like mommy went away?"

"No. Not how mommy went away."

"Where did she go?"

"I wish I knew, buddy." He took a deep breath, and opened his arms as Jack climbed out of bed. "She wanted me to tell you that she loves you and she'll miss you more than anything." Thinking of all Jack has been through in his short life, and knowing that his child would once again feel the loss of someone close to him was nearly Aaron's undoing. He forced himself to take a few deep breaths. He wouldn't break down in front of his son.

"Time to go back to bed." He gave Jack one final squeeze before pulling away from him.

"Can I sleep with you, daddy? Please?"

Aaron was tempted to give in, but knew from experience that one night would stretch into months of Jack not sleeping in his own bed.

"I'll tuck you back in." He kissed his son's forehead before he clambered back into his bed.

Jack's whispered "I love you, daddy," brought a real smile to Aaron's face.

"I love you too. Get some sleep." He waited until Jack rolled onto his side then walked down the hall to his own bedroom, ready to begin the first of what he knew would be many sleepless nights. He put the letter back in its envelope and put it in the drawer of his nightstand, next to a small velvet box. He pulled it out and looked again at the ring he'd had for several weeks, just waiting for the perfect moment to ask. That night he tossed and turned hoping that someday he'd have the chance.


End file.
